Text Dirty to Me – Sexting Tips for Beginners


For beginners or those unfamiliar with sexting, the prospect of texting dirty can be daunting.  In some minds, it’s sleazy and distasteful. Other abstainers twitter with embarrassment at the thought of it. Until a couple of years ago I felt the same way. But when I resurfaced in the dating pool after fifteen years, my attitude changed quickly. Sexting is sleazy, and it does make you blush, but that’s what makes it hot. Very hot, sometimes. I’ve honestly had sexting sessions that stand out in my memory over real-life sexual encounters. It turns out words on a smartphone screen can arouse as easily as a hand sliding up your skirt. In my opinion, sexting is something everyone should try at least once.

This post is devoted to sexting newbies – a nudge for those considering the plunge into touch screen erotica. I understand the hesitancy. No one wants to feel awkward. No one wants to find out the hard way they’re bad at something. But the truth is you don’t have to be good at sexting to get off on it. I speak with authority on this. Even with a year’s worth of sexting experience, I’m capable at best. But when I sext, I get-off. My partners do too, and most have been eager for another session. These tips and tricks have allowed me to hold my own with published writers and sexually depraved wordsmiths. Read on, then give it a shot. There’s little to lose and lots of fun to be had.


Express Desire

In my opinion, telling someone you want something is a versatile, impactful, and relatively simple way to turn someone on. At their most basic, expressions of desire can be about your partner or a part of your partner’s body:

“I want you” or “I want your cock

You can flesh out this message by indicating what you want and where you want it.

“I want your cock in my mouth” or “I want my body against yours.”

You can make a statement of desire interactive by telling your partner what you want them to do:

“I want you to touch yourself” or “I want you to think about my cock”

You can keep things fresh by substituting on of the following for “I want:”  

“I’d like to__;” “I’m craving__;” “I’m hungry for__” “I’d kill to__” “I’d love to__” “I wish__.”

Ask Questions

Asking questions is an excellent way to establish a connection remotely. It’s also a good trick when you don’t know what to say. Where is your partner? What are they wearing (or not wearing)? What are they doing (to themselves)? You can also ask your partner what they want or what they would do if you were together. You can use get more mileage from asking questions by substituting the following:

“Tell me___; ” “Describe___;” “I want to know___;” “Are you__?” “Have you ___”?

Offer Text Praise

If you find yourself outmatched in a sexting session, there’s no need to panic. In my experience, people with a knack for sexting appreciate praise for their prose as much as well-crafted messages. A good way of doing this is to tell your partner how much their messages turn you on:

“I’m so aroused;” “you’re driving me crazy;” “You’re making me wet;” “I’m going to explode.”

You can also express appreciation for your partner or the messages themselves texts:

“That is so hot;” “I can’t stop thinking about what you said,” “Tell me more,” “you’re amazing.”


Watch Porn Before You Sext

If you’re struggling to come up with lurid scenarios and acts, I suggest looking to porn for inspiration. Find one or more scenes or sex acts that get your juices flowing and hold them in mind. Then describe yourself and your partner doing that activity during your next sexting session. Use lots of descriptive language – like you’re painting a picture for someone who’s visually impaired. You can do this while porn viewing, but I don’t multi-task well. Good lead-ins for erotic film inspiration include:

“I am imagining/picturing/thinking about___” or “I want you to imagine/picture/think about___.”

You can also express your desire to perform the sex act or have it performed on you:

“I want to___.” or “I want you to__.”

NOTE: A list of safe, no cost porn viewing sites can be found on Free Safe Porn.com

Bring up the Past

If you’ve had an in-real-life sexual encounter with your sexting partner, roll out the highlight reel. Recall the incident blow-by-blow and allow your partner to help tell the story. Utilize memories from all five senses – what you saw, heard, tasted, smelled, and felt. Lead in with some version of:

“I’m thinking of/remembering the time we/I/you___” or “Remember the time we/I/you___?”

Send Sexting Pictures

In the context of sexting, pictures are worth a thousand dirty words. But if you’re going to rely on photos to get you through a session, you’ll need to step up your picture game. I recommend investing in a tripod with a cell phone mount and a Bluetooth shutter release set of both are With your hands-free, you can be as creative or explicit as you like. You can send pictures proactively or ask your partner what they want to see. 

NOTE: Look for suitable, inexpensive sexting photo equipment kits on Amazon.


If you’re a beginner and still intimidated by sexting, you’re not giving your mind credit for how dirty it is. Most of us have had enough salacious input through media to conjure up and describe something titillating. The other thing to bear in mind is that it’s easier to text something dirty than to verbalize it. I’m not a big talker in bed, but I’ve found that naughty thoughts come from my fingertips with ease. But you won’t find any of this out until you try it (or try it again). Limber up those fingers, get out your tripod, and start sexting!

Stella’s Sexting Vocab Cheat Sheet

(You many get a little turned on as you peruse. Words on a screen can have that effect)

More on Sex

I’ve found no better conversation starter than telling people I write about sex. Humans are hard wired to have sex on the brain, so why not talk about it. Check out my other posts on sex here. You can also join me on my site’s Facebook page for a more interactive discussion. Happy reading!

Published by stellafaebliss

Stella Fae Bliss is a writer, blogger and photographer living in Denver, Colorado. Her writing on love and sex is based on her personal experience with relationships and dating. Her blog content reflects past love affairs with theater, fashion, graphic design and mixed-media art.

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